These Nuts

On a recent vacation to the Outer Banks of North Carolina, my travel companions and I saw a restaurant named Dirty Dick’s Crab House. The sign read, “I got crabs from Dirty Dick’s!” A conversation about the recent onslaught of bawdy and ribald humor in business ensued. Ben & Jerry’s just announced a new flavor, Schweddy Balls, that pays homage to a Saturday Night Live skit charged by sexual innuendo. Do not get me wrong, I can chuckle with the best of them at lewd, low-brow humor. When it comes to my food, though, I generally find that brand of comedy unappetizing. Nonetheless, I was drawn to Try My Nuts Nut Company because the name was too ridiculous to ignore. 

Cajun Peanuts Fried in the Shell

Despite the business’s risqué moniker and the cartoon peanut mascot that resembled scrota, I had high hopes for Try My Nuts. For one, I really wanted this shop to be wonderful because I love tree nuts and hoped to find an interesting new source. Secondly, the Sandler-loving side of me looked forward to telling friends that they had to try my nuts! Armed with my expectations, I journeyed to this shop. My expectations were by not unreasonable. I desired a wide variety of unique confections. I anticipated finding a product that made creative use of nuts in a way I had never experienced. In addition, I expected a plethora of options for in-store sampling. While driving to Florida, I once stopped at a nut shop that had dishes of every product in the store put out for customers to sample. I looked forward to the same set-up at Try My Nuts. I imagined this shop to be a delightful little mom-and-pop store with an authentic hand-crafted feel to it.   

Jalapeno Cheddar Peanuts

Alas, I was disappointed by the reality of Try My Nuts. What I found the most dissatisfying was that this store was more souvenir shop than purveyor of specialty nuts. With its haphazardly stocked shelves and the bins of gummy candies at the door's threshold, the shop was lacking in the old-school charm I so wanted it to possess. As I ventured deeper into the retail space, I was met by the owner, who thrust a miniature plastic waste-pail at me and commanded, “Try my nuts.” He opened the container and scooped out a few pieces of Dirty White Trash, white chocolate-coated snack mix with a dark chocolate drizzle.  It was tasty enough– the sharp saltiness of the pretzel sticks played nicely with the sweetness of the white chocolate. But it was off-putting to have samples shoved into my face with this seemingly suggestive demand. I found the double entendre hard to swallow. 

There were other collisions with this prevailing sophomoric humor. The shelves boasted cans of Butt Munch – barbecue-spiced peanuts – and Ass Kickin’ Cashews – cashews flavored with spicy habanero chiles. The owners certainly get points for their commitment to the theme. 

Colossal Pistachios

They do not get points, however, for having incomplete inventory. Because they are a local chain, I found this circumstance surprising. On the ride to Try My Nuts, I visited their website to get a feel for the shop. I was excited by the prospect of trying French Burnt Peanuts, a childhood favorite, and gourmet Corn Nuts. However, neither was to be found. The owner advised me that I would not locate most of the items from their internet site in the brick-and-mortar store.  

But I was thrilled with what I did find in the store – a candy counter that displayed a vast selection of handmade confections. There was Peanut Butter Fudge imbedded with chopped pieces of Reese’s cups (too sweet) and Caramel Fudge (yum). It was here that I encountered the most delicious chocolate turtle I have ever had. The case held Dark Chocolate Pecan Turtles, Cashew Turtles, and the classic Milk Chocolate Pecan Turtles. My life was changed, though, by the Macadamia Nut Turtle. The chewy caramel center was bathed in a creamy, satiny milk chocolate. The buttery crunch of the rich macadamias filled my mouth and then dissolved on my tongue with each bite. The combination was genius! 

Sweet and Spicy Cajun Mix

To contrast, the other items I tried from the store were dunces. The White Trash did not wear the dark chocolate drizzle that the Dirty White Trash did but tasted the same. The chocolate coating on the Milk Chocolate Covered Peanuts was waxy and of poor quality. The peanuts that it cloaked were not noteworthy. The Sweet and Spicy Cajun Mix was neither particularly sweet nor especially spicy. The one bright spot in this mixture was the presence of the corn nuts I had desired. They were unexceptional. On the other hand, the Cajun Peanuts Fried in the Shell were atomic! My taste buds were assassinated by the one peanut of that variety that I was able to digest. Butter Toasted Cashews were a pleasantly sweet mouthful but were lackluster and did not sing with flavor.  The Jalapeño Cheddar Peanuts were assertively salty but had a bright jalapeño bite at the finish. The cheddar flavor never showed up to the party, though. The Colossal Pistachios were unremarkable. They were the standard roasted, salted pistachio that one might find in the supermarket. Similarly, the Boston Baked Beans, with their sugary coating, proved to be more expensive versions of those that are available at most convenience stores. 

Boston Baked Beans

Overall, my impression of Try My Nuts was that it was souvenir shop that sold mass-produced products purchased from a large distributor. The bagged popcorn and bottles of novelty hot sauce reinforced this suspicion. Although the store’s name was titillating enough to get me to visit, the products were not good enough to keep me coming back. So, I caution you that if you want to visit Try My Nuts, go for the shtick, not for the nuts.